She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
