I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
