my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
