smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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