haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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