please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
