I'm so fucking centered right now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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