remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't turn off my feet"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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