is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
