No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
