If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
