Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
