my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
