I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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