I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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