At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
