He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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