Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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