why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
