I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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