I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
