youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
