moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
false alarm, still single
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
