are you so shy because you have an std?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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