Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
