Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I will pee on everything he values.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
