Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she woke up with a sticky ear
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
