The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
