Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
