does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
