hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
