That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
