____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
