Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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