Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
