Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
