I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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