he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
