Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
