I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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