fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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