I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
