normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
