3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
