Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
