I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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