P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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