I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
