I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
