Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We are all done wearing pants today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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