He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
