Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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