No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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