dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
