I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
