My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
