I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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