listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
