You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
